Chrous: Hi, Dr. Prick!
I figured in honor of this wondrous holiday, we might give thanks. Give thanks that we're alive and in good health. Give thanks that we're affluent enough to afford computers and the idle time to spend sitting in front of them. Give thanks for that most American of traditions - stuffing our fat faces with all the meat, carbs, and eventually, sweets we can handle, whilst giving the entire third world the finger. And most important, giving thanks that we're not as pathetic as...you guessed it...the people on the Shanghaiist personals page!
Let's open the floor with this week's featured lady - motwa. She's young, cute, and lonely. So lonely, in fact, that she's been forced to re-evaluate her position on online dating. "I don't believe I will fall in love with a guy through internet before, but right now I think I will," she writes, forlornly. With all other options exhausted - including, apparently, being attractive, single, and female - she's resigned herself to the endless purgatory of internet personals. I'll translate: "Clingier than a monkey's baby, I will require constant positive appraisals of my looks and apparel choices, as well as hourly updates via GPS tracker of your location."
Speaking of scary, check out Sarafi's profile. Gentlemen - are you looking to spend eternity in Satan's clutches? Let Sarafi drag you back to the hells from which she was spawned, in a fiery explosion of magma and hellplacenta. The final picture in her lineup is the one that displayed on the profiles main page, and the one to which I'm referring. We quickly see that Sarafi appears to have one of the most severe cases of Japanophilia that I've ever seen. Check her pics for yourself. I don't even...I'm dying to believe that Sarafi's entire profile is a masterpiece of ironic mockery. Sadly, I think we all know that's far from being the case.
Back to work for me. If any of you went to Rocksgivng last night, thanks for supporting!
One more thing. For those of you without Thanksgiving plans, sulking at home with no one to love you, your friends all feasting at other peoples' homes, none of them having invited you, Taco Mama's is offering a special Thanksgiving burrito. It includes: roast turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, creamed spinach, and gravy. Wait a sec...forget what I said about being home and alone. That shit sounds fucking delicious. Allow me to rephrase. For those of you who, like myself, strive to reach ever-higher levels of gluttony, eat this fucking burrito. I know what I'm ordering for dinner tonight.
Inspired by the roving taco trucks that have popped up in various hipster dens across America, I had an idea a while back to do the same with burritos, except there'd be all sorts of them. The Pizza Burrito: Tomato sauce, mozz, sausage, onions, and pepperoni. The Burgerrito: Ground beef, cheese, BBQ sauce, onion rings, lettuce, tomato. Any dish can be served in portable burrito form. And why stop at dishes? Go for entire meals! Like the Thanksgiving burrito we see here. A fine expression of chefferous genius. I'll let you know how it is.